The Happy Muggers

Breathing; I like it. I like the act of breathing… Sometimes I forget that. Seriously, it’s something that you probably almost never think about. I usually don’t either. Usually. Right about now it’s pretty forefront on my mind. Because it’s been a good long while since I’ve taken a nice, pure, refreshing gulp of air into my lungs.

Ok. I might admit to an error in judgment. I mean, who in their right mind actually jumps into the water to fight a giant mutant fish? In retrospect that seems kinda like, oh… I don’t know, jumping into the web to try to kill the spider. Who does that? Oh yeah. I do. I find a lot of success in doing the unexpected. I’m not known for making good battlefield decisions. I’m known for making unexpected battlefield decisions. And you know what? It works for me.

In my defense, when I jumped in there was only one of them. And I had him dead to rights pretty darn quickly. I hit him hard going into the water, and I hobbled him on my way back out. But then as soon as I could blink there were 3. Then there were 6. I don’t get cornered too often; I’m pretty slippery as ruffians go. But these guys had a single focus. I cut one of them, they shove me. I drop a cloud of darkness, they walk in like they can see right through it. And seriously, did I come here alone?! Where is everyone else? Before I jumped out of the boat I left some pretty specific instructions to distract the others.

So I got shoved into a drain hole… or whirlpool, or something… I’m sorry… I’m currently being escorted down a tube full of wetness… clear liquid…. I know it has a name but it’s been quite a while since I’ve taken a breath. It’s getting hard to think. Darkness is starting to flood my vision… huh… that’s what that looks like… my Drow eyes normally cut right through it, so I’ve never really seen the dark before. It’s really black.

As the darkness fills in even more, I try to keep one thought forefront in my mind. I know that if I somehow survive I’m going to desperately need to know this… so I start chanting the three words in my head, over and over until I feel my lungs fill with water and the darkness closes all around me. The thought echoes in my head one last time:



D caf down the drain


Very nice, sir. I’m sure Leeloo has some thoughts on this…

Gone Fishin'

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